Moving in together after 2 months of dating
From what I've seen, couples do well when they move in together because they love each other and want to make the relationship more serious without getting married this is what my non-grad school friends do. You are ONLY going to get anecdotes that say "yes, it's too soon, it didn't work for me" or "no, it's not too soon, worked for me.
It's all up to you and what you can stand. Do I think it's nuts? Do YOU think you're nuts? I moved in with my wife-to-be after about 8 months. I guess it didn't work out as we just got separated after 18 years of marriage. Griphus makes a very good point. My wife and I moved in together about six months after we started dating, but before I gave up my apartment, we had THE TALK, and I moved in with the understanding that just living together wasn't the end goal, marriage was the end goal.
So our expectations of how things would be were probably different than if we were just going to stay boyfriend and girlfriend. Is it too soon for you? But make sure that both of you have the same understanding of what each other expects the end result to be. If one of you is thinking marriage and the other isn't, there will be conflicting expectations of how the relationship should grow. We got married when I was I had my first child at barely I'm now only 26, but expecting my second.
Looking back on this, I could not imagine how any 21 year old could hold together a new relationship, moving in, and then being engaged in short succession. But it seemed natural at the time, and it worked. What worked for us was keeping finances separate, because we're both frugal in different ways and it was a fight we didn't ever really want to have. Honestly, until we had our son and I lost my job shortly thereafter, we still had everything separate and split everything equally.
I still have my own checking and savings, he has his, but now we just don't argue about whose turn it is to buy groceries - it really is all the same in the end. Its up to you whether it feels right. You really cannot ask us. We are not in your emotional shoes. Me personally, I know I could never move in with any man who isn't my husband. That's just how I flow. This could be something that works for both of you, and it may not.
Is two months too early to move in with someone? Answer: Yes (Post #45 for update)
But you have to make your own decision. Asking friends doesn't hurt either. That's why they're there. If you do not, then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be asking others what to do and at the same time resenting those from whom you seek such aid. I think it's a little too soon I'd wait a year, minimum, personally and that's what I did , but I'm more concerned about the grad school and busy-ness.
Moving in together did change our relationship pretty drastically. It was definitely in a good way, but it required a lot of time and energy, both of which sound like they'll be in short supply in your lives. Living with someone is not like having sleepovers every night. I don't know why it's different, but it is.
We hadn't spent a night apart in a year by the time we shared a home, but it still changed things. My sister told me that getting used to living with someone was actually harder than getting married to that person they lived together after the wedding. She commended me for getting the hard part out of the way first. I see that someone else in this thread mentioned that as well, so I wanted to give it a little more weight. If you feel that you don't have the time or energy to devote to a marriage right now, then I'd say you don't have the time or energy to devote to living together.
We dated a little over a year, we've been living together a little over a year and we're getting married next month. Everything changes when it's not you staying with him in his space or him staying with you in your space. Once it's "our space", everything changes. Not always for the worse, but everything changes. I've seen couples move in quickly and have it work. I've seen more fail miserably.
Moving in too soon? - movingin relationships resolved | Ask MetaFilter
In my opinion, you're making a mistake. Grad school will be hard enough without having to go through the madness of a failed live-in relationship. On the other hand, if this relationship is going to last, there's no harm in not speeding it up right now. If grad school is important to you, focus on that.
My now-husband and I moved in together after five months though we'd known each other for a long time and got engaged after eight months, so griphus makes a good point. As I hadn't lived with a partner before him and were in a long distance relationship for those five months, we talked a lot about it prior to moving in, including my fear of dirty socks being all over the floor- and even details like this helped, as we knew beforehand what some of our small irritants would be.
One thing I am glad we did was pick out a new apartment together so it wasn't me moving into his space which would have been the case as I was moving to his city , and so we could arrange furniture, organize closets, and decorate together without any of the territorial issues. This was really helpful for me, as I didn't feel like I was crashing as his place but really felt like it was our apartment.
Granted, this might not be feasible given deposits and leases, but the idea remains that making it feel like a shared place will be important given all the other stressors in both of your lives. And definitely keep finances separate, work out bill payments and household chores ahead of time with flexibility, but it'll decrease the stress given other responsibilities , and discuss expectations for the relationship as far as if this is a step forward or simply a practical move, in which case be honest about that fact and make sure you're both on the same page.
Though if it's more of a practical move than a step forward, I'd advise against. Thing is, I really do think we'd be doing this whether or not we were looking at it being a money-saver, just to spend more time together. The financial benefit is just an added plus. I've done the moving-in thing before and it didn't work out, mostly because I moved into his place and he thought of it as his place , not mine.
I appreciate all the input. I realize I shouldn't put the whole decision onto the shoulders of MetaFilter's community, just figured it couldn't hurt.
I'm going to assume it wouldn't have changed many if any of our replies. In the abstract, five months seems a bit quick. If nothing else, it's good to have a sense of the kind of roommate you're acquiring - you can get that secondhand while sleeping at one another's places. But here's the Very Big Deal: Stop trying to figure that out, stop sharing content-free opinions like 'I suck at the long-term relationship thing,' and ask yourself: If the answer is yes, do what you want. If not, you just learned something. There's no way of knowing what the 'right time' is. Having a baby, taking a job, moving in together, starting a big project: The better you know someone, the better-prepared you'll be when moving day comes.
But you don't have to be prepared. Some folks do well to dive in headfirst. Some folks need to circle around a while, work themselves up into the right state. You probably know nothing at all about live-in relationships, like any other youngish person, and the way you're going to learn - which you must do - is by diving into one and figuring things out for yourself. You have a responsibility to make mistakes and learn from them.
From a thermodynamic standpoint the outcome doesn't matter anyway, so what the hell are you waiting for? Me and my boy moved in after 5 months. Things here are wonderful. We decided to get a dedicated, bills only joint checking account. But you can do what's best for you. But this is something that should totally be discussed.
We know that if we want to be alone, we can just say it. It's not an issue right now, since I work a crazy schedule and we relish our together time. But you get the idea. Those were the big 2 for us, but YMMV. D posted by bibliogrrl at 9: ChairmanMeow Member Apr 11, Dec 5, 53 0 0. Hoo-doo Member Apr 11, Sep 29, 27, 2 The Interrobanger Member Apr 11, Jun 10, 5, 0 0 Toronto. I think 2 months is fine as long as you're both responsible and realistic. HarryHengst Member Apr 11, Sep 2, 3, 0 0. FairyD Member Apr 11, Jul 24, 7, 0 0 Do it the old country way.
Get married in the next four months. Cat Party Member Apr 11, Aug 18, 8, 0 0. It's her place, I'd just be taking on some of the bills. Magilla Banned Apr 11, Aug 16, 1, 0 0 Boston.