Why do i have anxiety when it comes to dating

I've had generalised anxiety for about 7 years I am on medication for it now which has honestly changed my life and anxiety definitely doesn't rule my whole life like it used to.

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However, I do find that when it comes to dating and new relationships, I struggle a bit with my anxiety and whilst it doesn't always take over my everyday life, it's always sort of lingering when I'm seeing someone new. I've been on a few dates here and there, but I've never been in a serious, long term relationship. I find that I'll go on a first date and I'll be nervous like any normal person, but then it's the second and third dates when my anxiety really starts to show. When I know that I actually like somebody, and I see a future with them, my anxiety is constant.

I feel shaky, nauseous, tingly, I don't have as much of an appetite and many other physical effects, even if I'm not with the person.. I know this is normal for me, and that it's the excitement and the change of seeing someone new who I really like, but I guess I'm just wondering if other people struggle with this when they're dating somebody new and how you deal with it?

There's been times when I've taken a quick-acting anxiety pill to calm down and get me through the date, but I don't want to rely on that all the time. Welcome to Beyond Blue BB forums. People on these forums are supportive and caring.


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You'll find a few may respond to your post providing some advice. It's so good you are aware of what's happening to you - A great achievement. Managing anxiety is ongoing. Anxiety can make you feel terrible.


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  5. I have suffered from it for a very long time, but was only diagnosed with it some years ago. So I understand what you are experiencing and how frightening that may be for you.

    Social Anxiety

    It's good you've reached out to see if you can get help. You ask - I guess I'm just wondering if other people struggle with this when they're dating somebody new and how you deal with it? I think that it is normal for someone with generalised anxiety to have panic attacks in situations where you want to do your best.

    In this instance you want to make a good impression because you like the person and that's why your anxiety increases as you get to know them. Are you still seeing your doctor for anxiety? If so, you might like to discuss this matter with them and they might consider referring you to a therapist psychologist or psychiatrist etc to help manage your anxiety. If you like, think about asking your doctor whether you could go on a Mental Health Plan MHP so you get Medicare assistance for 10 visits. If you do want to make such arrangements, get an extended visit with your doctor because they will need to ask you a series of questions to complete the plan.

    Let us know how you get on. Just remember you are not alone, there are many out there who suffer from anxiety and in situations where you want to be your best. It's great to hear you see your doctor and that you've been on a MHP previously. Maybe the last time you went to a psychologist, they weren't the right one for you. It's important that you get what you need from them. Going to another psychologist may be helpful. Generally when a psychologist isn't doing me any good, I talk to my doctor and explain.

    He then recommends a new one and is happy to do so until I find one that does. Understanding and actively managing anxiety helps to go about your everyday life in a calmer way. Breath in and out slowly for as long as needed, focussing all the time on the breathe going in through the nose, lungs and diaphragm then out through the mouth.

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    Usually to the count of 4 or more. Sometimes I even hold my breath for 4 before releasing. You can do this and people are not aware it's happening. Do you do yoga?

    Dating Anxiety in The Age of Tinder

    It's a bit like that. Ideally it's done with feet on the ground, however, I find it useful even when I have shoes on. Focus on your feet touching the ground while breathing slowly. Also have a look at the grounding thread under 'Staying Well'. Have you done this before? Have a look at mindfulness thread under 'Staying Well'. Again you can do this while you're out. It's being aware of the present moment, bringing your mind back to what you are doing.

    BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY!

    If you are out eating, be aware of every mouthful, how you chew it. Let the other person do some talking.

    Anxiety and Romance: Managing Relationship Anxiety

    I often feel not worthy enough for anyone to like you. Are you anything like that? My psychologist says this leads to my anxiety and subsequently a 'self-fulfilling prophecy' i. I've been given homework to - become aware of my body responses and feelings e. After that I'm to identify what 'causes that fear' - look at why I go into such a fear response, e. However, when a relationship is starting to flower things can get lost in text translation.

    Hopefully, like so many dating singles and couples I have worked with, these tips can help guide you while dating and texting. Typically, the first date tends to elicit more anxiety than subsequent dates. Simply accept that the first date will feel more awkward.


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    Wondering where to go? Try choosing a place where you have been before. Knowing what the atmosphere is like and what the menu will be can help alleviate some anxiety as well. You may also find that it helps to work a bit with your breathing, especially if you focus on exhaling.

    Try the following exercise to see if you notice even a small drop in your anxiety. Your thoughts and your breathing may both be happening at a rapid rate. Some of your thoughts may be making your anxiety worsen. One tip that many find useful is to take a couple of deep cleansing breaths as follows:.

    This very simple breathing technique is a good life skill to have in any situation where you are experiencing fear, anxiety, and stress.

    About the Author

    Your date may not be quite who you thought they were going to be when you met in person. This happens to just about everybody. Unless they have an incredibly good reason for not showing they have actually done you a favor. But, they actually did you a favor by showing their lack of consideration early on.